Communication is an essential part of marriage. People obviously have emotions and feelings, but more importantly, the question is– do we communicate what we feel? The most dangerous of expectations, and certainly the most destructive, is that each person ought to know what the other person wants without any kind of verbal communication. Thus the common "If you love me, you ought to know," and "I ought not to have to tell you" kind of thinking.
So, how do you know if you are lonely in your relationship? Here are the symptoms that spell bad communication:
1. When you begin to noticethat, although your mate is a regular bon vivant with everyone else, things certainly change when it comes to you. The two of you can be mumbling something to each other over breakfast, but the minute the phone rings and the other answers it, his voice becomes animated and alive. You find yourself wishing you were the "other person" on the phone.
2. When you feel moods of sadness almost out of nowhere especially when you are alone, then one day you find yourself telling yourself that the marriage is "just that way" then you feel cheated but you don’t know any specific reasons.
3. You feel indifferent to each other’s problems and interests– when no one provides a sympathetic ear, there is simply no comforting interest on anybody’s part. Then we resort to logic all the time to shrug of our wounded feelings.
4. You feel disillusioned and bored with your relationship. You feel like you need to be in the company of other couples or other peoplein order to have fun.
5. Courtesy, gentleness, and caring attitude is becoming extinct within the relationship. No more love tokens, or "just for nothing" presents, dating, and birthday or anniversary gift become nothing but just "rituals."
6. You feel that other people would understand you better than your mate.
7. You feel in a rut and spend a good portion of your time daydreaming about being in some other relationship.
Good communication is as basic as letting our spouse know what we want and vice versa. Expectations almost always do us in. Any marriage that doesn’t take care of a strong need, especially one as pervasive as loneliness, won’t work. Practically, one has to get the other’s attention, making sure that he or she is heard. This makes communication an instrumental channel to a fulfill a greater goal. There are positive and negative forms of communication. Sometimes the message becomes obscured by the way it was delivered.
When we communicate we should have empathy. When we put ourselves in the shoes of the recipient of our message, perhaps it will be a more peaceful communication process. Then more issues will be resolved. Then we communicate to ourselves "Do I even have to feel lonely?" You can always repeat the process of self check and relaying your intentions.